3 posts tagged “life”

I'm 31 today. I've been on The Plan for a year and a month, I've lost 140 pounds, we live in Louisville, I'm applying for a grant to partially fund a photography project that I've already been working on for a couple months (anyone want to write me a letter of recommendation?), B loves her job, I have a new cute significantly shorter haircut and I love my new MacBook beyond words. Things are good. It's scary to say that, but of course I freely say when things are bad so I should step up to the plate and say when things are good. Things are good right now.

My life (and my mind) is in such a strange state right now that the most positive/interesting new development is my search for new glasses and the eye doctor's assertion that if my left was as deficient as my right eye, instead of being 20/20, I would not be able to pass a standard driver's license eye exam without glasses. That's very interesting since my primary use of glasses has been while reading/writing/knowledge work stuff to prevent headaches because my left eye is perfect and my right eye used to be slightly less than perfect. Apparently it's really less than perfect now and my left eye is trying super hard to overcome that and thus the return of the headaches and need for new glasses. Imagine how wonderful or exciting life must not be right now if this is the story I've chosen to tell you. 

It's been a minute since I blogged anywhere other than Exposure or Consuming Indy. Sometimes I miss blogging, or more the conversations with people that blogging allowed/created. I should get more involved so I could have those conversations again.

So, what's up with me. Well B is in the middle of hunting for a job when her fellowship ends in June. Two departments in her hospital here are chasing her, trying to lure her in with promises of benefits for me and a photography internship. Another hospital is trying to lure her with the old "we'll restructure the job to be however you want it" line. We're still looking for a job for her in Louisville though since we'd really like to go back home. We're incredibly lucky to have one amazing contact in the medical community in Louisville that is giving us some people to contact during the job search. As much as I would love for B to get a great job in Louisiville I'm not overly confident there is going to be a job there that's right for her right now. The people here in Indy are basically bending over backwards to get her to take their jobs. Good salary, benefits for me, custom designed work situation, etc. So the hope is she gets a great job in Louisville and we get to go home. The realistic view is she'll take a job here for a few years and that will be ok because in a few years she'll have more experience, her field will have expanded (geratric hospitialists) and there will be many more job opportunities available that meet her very high standards and criteria.

I'm doing very well on The Program. I didn't have a scale when I first started the program in July but got one in early August. Since that time I've lost 39 pounds. I walk 2-4 miles everyday outside, walk/jog 3 days a week on the treadmill and have slowly started incorporating free weights into my routine. I eat very well and very happily (this includes lots of homemade meals and baking) and don't feel stifled or deprived in the food department at all. I haven't had a real Coke in 3 months and I drink 1-2 diet sodas a day (either Diet Dr Pepper or Coke Zero).

I'm losing weight at a very good pace and I feel amazing. I have great energy levels (many days we're up and out the door by 6:45 for our morning walk, that's insane for me), am much more even in my moods and basically just feel really good nearly all the time instead of feeling barely ok. All that being said I'm a little frustrated that even with such amazing progress that my size restricts me so much. Like I've basically lost 40 pounds but I haven't dropped 5 clothing sizes or anything. I mean I have to tighten my belt a lot and there's a ton of room in all my clothes now but it's not like everything is falling off me. The weight is disappearing from somewhere just not everywhere at the same time I guess. In the past few weeks though I have really been noticing a difference in my clothes. I suspect that after the holidays/first of the year I'll have to do some serious shopping for smaller clothes.

What's more frustrating than the clothes thing though is that I'd really to like to add some more interesting and diverse physical activity to my routine but still don't fill that I can either because a) I'm literally too big to do it or b) I still don't feel comfortable attempting it not because I don't think physically I could but because I'm nervous about the situation. Example? I'd really like to take a kickboxing or martial arts class. Something that isn't just mindless running, walking or lifting. Something interactive, something more agressive and more personal. Contrary to maybe what it should be fitness instructors aren't always interested in instructing people on how to get fit. Meaning if you don't already have some level of fitness they don't want you. Or to be more blunt gyms don't want fat people who are working hard and becoming less fat. They want pretty thin people who are just getting thinner or more toned. Or maybe that's just my perception. It really is possible that it's only my perception and not reality but it feels like reality. So I'm afraid of going to one of these classes and having the instructor or other students look down on me. I'm afraid of not being able to find one of those standard martial arts uniforms that fit. I'm afraid of no one wanting to spar with me. Bascially I'm afraid that an exercise activity I'm taking on for fitness and fun will instead just like high school remixed (not that my high school years were horrible but you know what I mean). So basically it feels like I have to lose even more weight and get more fit before I can integrate more activities that are fun and good for me that will also help me lose weight and get more fit. It's kind of sucky. That said I'm still very motivated with The Program, still very happy with my progress, and look forward to eventually taking a kickboxing class. Man, I've wanted to take a kickboxing class for forever.